The following jokes have been selected from jokes sent over the last few years on the jokes@floater.org (formerly jokes@pub.ro) mailing list and by Mihai Budiu on his private jokes list. Some of the jokes here might seem offensive to some people (they cover every sexual, religious, ethnic or politically incorrect issue you can think of). If you're easily offended, it's best if you hit Back on your browser now. You have been warned.
Over time, my collection of jokes and funny stories grew, and in order to preserve bandwidth, I've split it into several pages, one page per category, despite the fact that it makes searching more difficult.
If you have a joke that you think it's funny, please drop me a note at tudor@hulubei.net.
Finally, you may want to visit the Funny section in the Photography page.
UNIX: You think it won't work, but if you find the right wizard, you can make it work.
Macintosh: You think it will work, but it won't.
PC/Windows: You think it won't work and it won't.
Dear Counselor,
I am facing a very serious problem. You see, I am a Vietnam-era deserter from the U. S. Marines. My mother peddles Nazi literature to Girl Scouts and my father (a former dentist) is in jail for 30 years for raping most of his patients while they were under anesthesia.
The sole supports of our large family, including myself and my $500-a-week heroin habit, are my uncle (master pick-pocket, Benny "The Fingers"), my 70-year-old aunt Hester (a shoplifter), and my two kid sisters, who are well-known streetwalkers.
My problem is this: I have just gotten engaged to the most beautiful, sweetest girl in the world. She is just sweet sixteen, and we are going to marry as soon as she can escape from reform school.
But I am worried that my family will not make a good impression on hers. In your opinion, Should I, or shouldn't I, tell her about my cousin who works for Microsoft?
BMW Ad
Hiroshima 45 - Tschernobyl 86 - Windows 95
Customer: "I'm running Windows '95."
Tech Support: "Yes."
Customer: "My computer isn't working now."
Tech Support: "Yes, you said that."
Microsoft Keyboard
Three IBM Engineers and three Microsoft Employees are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Microsoft Employees each buy tickets and watch as the three IBM Engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a Microsoft Employee. "Watch and you'll see," answers the IBM Engineer.
They all board the train. The Microsoft Employees take their respective seats but all three IBM Engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The Microsoft Employees saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Microsoft Employees decide to copy the IBM Engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the IBM Engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed Microsoft Employee. "Watch and you'll see," answers a IBM Engineer.
When they board the train the three Microsoft Employees cram into a restroom and the three IBM Engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the IBM Engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Microsoft Employees are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."
Microsoft Windows Error Message
An OS/2-professional visits a seminar for Windows95. During the practice lesson Bill Gates asks him:
"What do you like about Windows95 ?"
Answer: "That you have to use it."
Microsoft announces complete year 2000 solution.
Delivery expected in 2004.
Sun's Official Microsoft Stance
Microsoft Windows NT Error Message
Gates-McNealy Frisbee News
Author Unknown
Bill Gates and Scott McNealy were playing a friendly game of Frisbee at the Gates' estate on the shore of Lake Washington. At one point, Bill accidentally sends the Frisbee over Scott's head, and the Frisbee lands in the lake. Scott walks out onto the surface of the lake and retrieves the Frisbee.
The next day the newspapers report:
GATES' THROW EXCEEDS EXPECTATIONS
Sun CEO Unable to Swim
Airport Safety
