The following jokes have been selected from jokes sent over the last few years on the jokes@floater.org (formerly jokes@pub.ro) mailing list and by Mihai Budiu on his private jokes list. Some of the jokes here might seem offensive to some people (they cover every sexual, religious, ethnic or politically incorrect issue you can think of). If you're easily offended, it's best if you hit Back on your browser now. You have been warned.
Over time, my collection of jokes and funny stories grew, and in order to preserve bandwidth, I've split it into several pages, one page per category, despite the fact that it makes searching more difficult.
If you have a joke that you think it's funny, please drop me a note at tudor@hulubei.net.
Finally, you may want to visit the Funny section in the Photography page.
Artificial intelligence, I suppose... :-)
A blonde went into an Internet Cafe to send a message to her mother overseas. When the manager told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: "But I don't have any money. But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother!"
The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect) "Anything?" he asked. "Yes, yes, anything", the blonde promised.
"Well, then, just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room. The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.
"Come in and close the door" the man said. She did. "Now get on your knees." She did. "Now take down my zipper." She did. "Now go ahead... take it out...". She reached in and grabbed it with both hands... then paused. The man closed his eyes and whispered,"Well, go ahead." The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer... and while holding it close to her lips tentatively said...
"Hello, Mom can you hear me...?"
A blonde lady boards a plane in London bound for Rome, and goes straight to first class. After a few minutes one of the flight attendants checks her ticket and upon learning that she is in the wrong section, she tells the blond she has an economy ticket and cannot remain in first class. The blonde then tells the attendant,
"I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Rome, and I'm not moving!"
Surprised, the attendant gets one of the co-pilots to ask the lady to move. "Madam, I am going to have to ask you to leave first class because your ticket is for economy." The blonde says,
"I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Rome, and I'm not moving!"
Dismayed, the co-pilot then goes to the cockpit and tells the pilot of the problem the crew was having with the woman. So the pilot walks up to the blonde and once again asks the lady to move seats since she was in the wrong section. Just like before, the blonde begins to tell the pilot,
"I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Rome, and I'm not moving!"
The pilot then leans over and whispers something in her ear and she immediately jumps up out of her seat, grabs her bag, and runs to the economy section. The rest of the crew, quite amazed, ask the pilot what he told her. "Simple", the pilot says, "I told her that first class wasn't going to Rome."
A blonde driving down a Midwestern highway spots another blonde in a kayak trying to paddle across the top of a wheat field. She got out of her car and calls out to the "kayak" blonde and says, "It's blondes like you, that give blondes like me a bad name! I'd go over there and kick your butt, if I could swim!"
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were
found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie
theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the blonde and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.
"It won't work, I'm the aunt."
In Vegas, a blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins.
She returns and starts feeding the machine madly, and of course the machine keeps popping out the drinks.
Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go. The blonde spins around and shouts in her face: "Can't you see I'm winning!?"
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet".
So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."
"Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop. His boss comes out and tells him that he has to leave for a while, and "Can you handle it?" The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive comments he finally agrees. So, the guy is there by himself for a little while and a white woman comes in.
She asks, "How much for the white
dildo?"
He answers, "$35."
She: "How much for the black one?"
He:
"$35 for the black one, $35 for the white
one."
She: "I think I'll take the
black one. I've never had a black one before."
She pays him, and off she goes.
A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks
"How much for the black dildo?" He:
"$35."
She: "How much for the
white one?"
He: "$35 for the white
one, $35 for the black one."
She:
"Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've
never had a white one before..." She pays him,
and off she goes.
About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in
and asks, "How much are your dildos?"
He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the
black."
She: "Hmmmmm....how much is
that plaid one on the shelf?"
He:
"Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost
you $165."
She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've never had a plaid one before...." She pays him, and off she goes.
Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was gone?" To which the salesman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!"
So there's this blonde out for a walk. The blonde comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo," the blonde shouts, "how
can I get to the other side?"
The second
blonde looks up the river then down the river then
shouts back, "You are on the other side!"
A blonde was recently hired at the office. Her first task was to go out for coffee. Eager to prove her worth to her new bosses, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop.
She held up the thermos and the coffeeshop worker quickly came over to take her order.
"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" the blonde asked. The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated for a few seconds, then finally replied, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."
"Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief. "Then give me three regular, one black, and two decaf."
A blonde goes over to visit one of her friends.
While she is at her friend's house it starts to rain very heavily. Her friend tells her to spend the night at her house and go home the next day.
When she hears this, the blonde rushes out the door and comes a while later totally drenched and carrying a small shopping bag. So her friend asks "Where did you run off too?"
"I went home to get my pyjamas!"